tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56075541518610042372024-03-13T14:28:50.436-07:00Battle of the BulgeAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-53748367707303405682012-08-09T07:45:00.000-07:002012-08-09T08:16:34.761-07:00Call me, maybe!?!It's been 66 hours since I had my annual Mammogram/MRI. This is what the inside of my brain sounds like:<br />
<br />
<i>Why haven't they called me? Is something wrong? Why does the hospital run so many commercials during the Olympics? Is it to keep reminding me that they haven't called? Is not calling yet good news or bad news? Google "Mammogram Photos." Should I call them? Again, with the damn commercials. Maybe I should read the Message Boards on FORCE. No, that'll just remind they haven't called. Maybe no call is good news, if it was bad news they would want to talk to me right away, right? Why haven't you called me yet? Google "Breast MRI Photos." Nope, no missed calls. Okay, think about something other than boobs. God, my bra is really annoying me right now. Ah! Bras and boobs! Okay, phone's ringing. Not them. Why haven't they called me? Read the news, yeah the news. Damnit! Another Beaumont ad! Stop advertising and just call me!</i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-8750889379468943972012-08-05T20:42:00.003-07:002012-08-05T20:43:48.878-07:00A (stolen) diddy about Mammograms<i style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">For years and years they told me,<br />Be careful of your breasts.<br />Don’t ever squeeze or bruise them.<br />And give them monthly tests.<br />So I heeded all their warnings,<br />And protected them by law.<br />Guarded them very carefully,<br />And I always wore my bra.<br />After 30 years of astute care,<br />My gyno, Dr Pruitt,<br />Said I should get a Mammogram<br /><br />“OK,” I said, “let’s do it.”<br />“Stand up here real close” she said,<br />(She got my boob in line),<br />“And tell me when it hurts,” she said,<br />“Ah yes! Right there, that’s fine.”<br />She stepped upon a pedal,<br />I could not believe my eyes!<br />A plastic plate came slamming down,<br />My hooters in a vise!<br />My skin was stretched and mangled,<br />From underneath my chin.<br />My poor boob was being squashed,<br />To Swedish Pancake thin.<br />Excruciating pain I felt,<br />Within it’s viselike grip.<br />A prisoner in this vicious thing,<br />My poor defenseless tit!<br /><br />“Take a deep breath,” she said to me,<br />Who does she think she’s kidding?!?<br />My chest is mashed in her machine,<br />And woozy I am getting.<br />“There, that’s good,” I heard her say,<br />(The room was slowly swaying.)<br />“Now, let’s have a go at the other one.”<br />Have mercy, I was praying.<br />It squeezed me from both up and down,<br />It squeezed me from both sides.<br />I’ll bet SHE’S never had this done,<br />To HER tender little hide.<br />Next time that they make me do this,<br />I will request a blindfold.<br />I have no wish to see again,<br />My knockers getting steam rolled.<br />If I had no problem when I came in,<br />I surely have one now.<br />If there had been a cyst in there,<br />It would have gone “ker-pow!”<br />This machine was created by a man,<br />Of this, I have no doubt.<br />I’d like to stick his balls in there,<br />And, see how THEY come out!</i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-44915644514263500822012-07-13T18:16:00.000-07:002012-07-13T18:16:27.446-07:00Family Onset Age - Insert horror movie soundtrack here!Well, I'm in the weeks leading up to my annual exam. This year we're doing the mammogram and MRI at the same time. Why? I'm not sure, but it's what my NP and Dr ordered. <br /><br />Every year I'm stressed out, high anxiety, on full alert in the weeks, days, and hours leading up to my appointment. This year you can multiply that by a kajillion because this year, I've reached my family onset age.<br /><br />I'm hoping my ability to only compartmentalize my feelings kicks into overdrive and calms my crazy ass down! I've been able to only think about the big BC once a month when I do my SBE, let's see if I can make that compartment even larger for this looming day.<br />
<br />
T Minus 23 days till I spend a thousand bucks to not have cancer!!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-25872123470837289812011-11-30T20:49:00.000-08:002011-11-30T20:49:20.067-08:00AvoidanceSo, I haven't blogged in a while. Which is a good thing, because I wasn't allowing my risk to take over my thoughts and my life.<br />
<br />
Then I discovered my ex, THE ex's, wife (whom I adore) was diagnosed with BC AND is High Risk only to further learn she is BRCA+. Talk about close to home. Then I became curious:<br />
<br />
<ul><li> is she on as strict of a surveillance regimen as I am?</li>
<li>did her doctors inform her of her options?</li>
<li>did they know the severity of the gene? </li>
</ul>Then I became pissed thinking she might not have received the same severity of surveillance that I receive and that all women, every woman, especially THIS woman should receive that same level of attention.<br />
<br />
<br />
Then I received my pretty pink postcard letting me know they're scheduling January. And I still haven't called. Why? Because I'm scared. Because this shit never ends. Because every once in a while it feels better to put my head in a hole and act like I know nothing. But her response echoes my reasoning for testing even if my risk is lower: <br />
<blockquote><i>Knowledge is power and as scary as it is being in the driver seat beats being taken down the road by cancer.</i></blockquote>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-23079597961905611982011-07-10T20:29:00.001-07:002011-07-10T20:29:58.990-07:00Surveillance is a lot like Prostitution. . . .At the end of the day we're both paying someone else to fondle our goodies and keeping our fingers crossed for negative test results ;).<br />
<br />
Teehee!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-7566338229457494812011-06-20T18:14:00.000-07:002011-06-20T18:14:35.659-07:00Update: Surveillance-versary!So, I'm a big fat loser. My surveillance-versary was June 10th! I guess in the midst of not obsessing over my high-risk, I stopped thinking a little too much about it!<br />
<br />
Here's the other part I realized: I haven't met a single goal I laid out for myself since my initial meeting with Heather. Not a one. I haven't lost weight. I haven't stopped eating red meat. I didn't start taking vitamins. I didn't change my diet. I didn't drink less . . . well, let's not get ahead of ourselves here, I never did promise that one!<br />
<br />
So at the risk of being accused of having a defeatist attitude (again) here is what I have accomplished:<br />
1. I had one Mammogram<br />
2. I had one MRI.<br />
3. I had one Biopsy.<br />
4. I performed at least one self breast exam each month (probably 2 realistically)<br />
6. I tested for the BRCA gene<br />
*these are important because early detection saves lives<br />
7. I told my story.<br />
8. I started going to local FORCE meetings.<br />
9. I met other young, high risk women by telling my story.<br />
10. I finally walked in a breast cancer walk that I raised money for<br />
11. I tried to reach out to my extended family about our risk<br />
12. I had researched enough and learned enough to help my sister begin her journey.<br />
*these are important because many women who are high risk do not know it, or do not know how to proceed<br />
13. I quit smoking (I hope, it's only been a month so I'm afraid to brag).<br />
14. I limited my weekly red meat intake, for the most part:). Hey, I'm a sucker for a cheeseburger!<br />
15. I joined a gym and partake on occasion.<br />
<em>and most importantly . . . </em><br />
16. I DON'T HAVE BREAST CANCER!<br />
<br />
Here's to an even more successful year 2!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-73883925300496858372011-06-18T21:25:00.000-07:002011-06-18T21:25:08.604-07:00It's my Surveillance-versary!So, I just realized, it's nearly July. July to many people is Independence Day, summer vacation, barbeque's, camping, 90 degree weather, boating, ridiculous air conditioning bills. To me July is my annual mammogram. <br />
<br />
My annual mammogram also marks the completion of the first year in my life as a high risk woman. So I survived year one. With me I take at least 12 self breast exams, an uninformed negative test result, one tiny scar on my right boob, a lead marker near said scar, nearly $1,5000 in related bills and enough tears shed to flood the entire Metropolitan area.<br />
<br />
And, because my first MRI (aka, January) came back with an area of suspicion that needed to be biopsied, I need to run the MRI again. Hopefully on the same day.<br />
<br />
The average person may not think this deal sounds so bad; 2 tests a year, 6 months apart and a doctors office visit in between. What the average person doesn't realize is I finally feel like I got my head back on straight again. I don't think about my status weekly, daily, hourly, any longer. I wasn't researching everything boob related. I stopped dreaming up my eventual PBM or RX. I stopped practicing the speech I would have to give my friends, family and co-workers. <br />
<br />
But now. Now that July is staring me straight on, I feel the beginning pangs of dread, of terror coming back. They get caught in my throat late at night. They subconsciously make my hands linger longer over my breasts suspicious of every change. They haunt me. They whisper to me. They follow me. It's a disease you can't see, that dread. And it's back, just like it promised. Six months later.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-69351191341778677262011-05-25T17:04:00.000-07:002011-05-25T17:04:23.219-07:00Update: Race for the Cure, Walk for the FundraiserAt Eatser dinner I told my dad that I was walking in the Race for the Cure and he asked if he could join me. This meant so much to me. Our family history of breast cancer is on his side, and his mother was a very proud survivor in an era when reconstruction was never an option, mastectomies could be compared to torture and men dominated the medical field. However, it meant the most because it is the most personal thing my father and I have ever done together. His eagerness to participate and be involved was really touching.<br />
<br />
So the weekend comes. I only raised $210.00, but it's about $160.00 more to stay here in Detroit than without me (75% of Race for the Cure proceeds stay in the city of the walk for local treatment and surveillance help). I wanted to make Friday and early night, since I had to be up so early Saturday so the roommate and I went out for Happy Hour. Can you imagine my surprise when I turn the corner and my sister from Florida is sitting there?!?! She wanted to be a part of the event and together the three of us conquered the 5K (although walking in Detroit with 40,000 other participants, we likely walked at least 5 miles!).<br />
<br />
Surveillance and high risk is not a blessing, but I still could not ask for more!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DDeZaWalgCw/Td2YkKNEbZI/AAAAAAAAADs/gCAPjX8YpwY/s1600/fam1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240px" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DDeZaWalgCw/Td2YkKNEbZI/AAAAAAAAADs/gCAPjX8YpwY/s320/fam1.jpg" t8="true" width="320px" /></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-64035993986997512602011-04-15T21:35:00.000-07:002011-04-15T21:36:26.493-07:00Being on the low end of high riskSometimes I really feel like I don't belong. And before you reassure me that I'm a part of the high risk community, hear me out (because this isn't that post where I say I feel fat because I want everyone to reassure me I'm skinny and beautiful).<br />
<br />
I attended my first FORCE meeting locally. And it was lovely. The women were lovely. The conversation and exchange of ideas was lovely. Aside from all of us facing cancer head on, it was lovely. I was the only(known) uninformed negative there. With the exception of one woman preparing to be tested, the rest of the women were positive and either completed surgeries, were scheduled for surgeries or were preparing for surgery. Now, I know surgery isn't for me, right now. The CGC (who was there and who also did my test) said it best: <br />
<blockquote><em><span style="color: blue;">The difference between 25% and 85% risk isn't the path we take, it's how much time we assume we have to move along that path. </span></em></blockquote>I've realized that being negative is a blessing in many ways. My family history wasn't as significant as that of the other women in the room, and I have time (cross your fingers, knock on wood, and whatever other heebie jeebie stuff you do for good luck) to make decisions. I'm taking a proactive approach to my cancer screening and I'm doing everything right. And I'm not complaining, well not usually. I'm grateful to be of todays generation and not my grandmothers and I'm grateful for all of my Previvor Sisters.<br />
<br />
But sometimes it's just downright lonely. Women who have tested positive for the gene forget what it's like to be in that unknown but surveying stage. And women who aren't high risk aren't being screened like I am. Hell, at my age, the only screening my peers receive is at their Ob/Gyn appointment. Sometimes I feel like the low end of the high risk community is a silent voice, a forgotten battle because most of the women in this recognized community are running a sprint, and well, us uninformed negatives are in it for the marathon.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-32769756070991986902011-04-13T15:33:00.000-07:002011-04-13T15:33:45.550-07:00Race for the Cure, Walk for the FundraiserSadly, the 3 Day is out of reach this year. I'm bummed, but glad I recruited some friends and family members to walk with me at the 20th annual Susan G Komen Race for the Cure!<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nr14Ds94Jno/TaYkpzBiY-I/AAAAAAAAADo/4ZfrJ5H2_I8/s1600/loveboobs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" r6="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nr14Ds94Jno/TaYkpzBiY-I/AAAAAAAAADo/4ZfrJ5H2_I8/s1600/loveboobs.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Check out my fundraising page. I give Be Bright Pink and FORCE some love too!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.active.com/donate/detroitRFTC11/kimmilynn">http://www.active.com/donate/detroitRFTC11/kimmilynn</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-916587649314288112011-03-01T20:27:00.000-08:002011-03-01T20:29:07.611-08:00How to explain your scarsApproximately every other month, every two months, someone posts on FORCE about how to explain all of this when you're dating. When do you tell, I think is the biggest question for everyone who is single and high risk. I think surgery or no surgery, anyone with scars faces the question even more.<br />
<br />
So when do you tell?<br />
<br />
My breasts have always been a large part of my identity, my transformation to womanhood, how I see myself. Therefore, to me, my biopsy scar is extremely noticeable. Granted, it's tiny in size, but in typical form, is raised, and definitely noticeable. So do you say something in advance of the observation or wait and cross your fingers? I dont' know. How do you explain it when you do choose to? What do you say?<br />
<br />
And I don't even have to answer that yet LOL. But I do know my biopsy has changed my social slash dating life. How much would it change if I were BRCA positive and had more than a biopsy? How different would my choices be if I hadn't had an biopsy or gone through all of this. I guess we'll never know.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-68831186928299915182011-02-14T16:25:00.000-08:002011-02-14T16:25:41.559-08:00How to celebrate Valentines Day when you're Single and High Risk for Breast CancerStep 1. Live with your best friend<br />
<br />
Step 2. Have your roomie make your favorite quiche for dinner<br />
<br />
Step 3. Pick up a bottle of wine very aptly named A Few Good Men to enjoy<br />
<br />
Step 4. Enjoy <br />
<br />
Step 5. Once you're finished with A Few Good Men and ready for bed, Self Breast Exam! LOL<br />
<br />
I just realized tonight is my monthly night to SBE. Looks like the girls will be getting some love after all :).Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-37094342674561645332011-02-05T15:46:00.000-08:002011-02-05T15:50:15.567-08:00You've got boob mail!So today I finally organized my mail. My boob mail was separated into four categories: hospital bills, Myriad bills, insurance statements and prescriptions/information.<br />
<br />
Just an FYI for people who think women are crazy who ditch surveillance for a PBM. This is just the envelopes that all of my boob mail came in for the last 3 months. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_camP77sbbak/TU3gvurTIrI/AAAAAAAAACo/bArMhfQgQuA/s1600/IMG00124-20110205-1135.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" h5="true" height="238" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_camP77sbbak/TU3gvurTIrI/AAAAAAAAACo/bArMhfQgQuA/s320/IMG00124-20110205-1135.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Let me remind you, this is just a pile of envelopes - the mail has all been removed (and I've already organized and thrown away the first 3 months of envelopes and mail).</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-56600029585412249112011-01-26T19:38:00.000-08:002011-01-26T19:38:06.632-08:00Superwoman=PrevivorAlicia Keys sings the line so beautifully: <br />
<blockquote>'Cause I'm a Superwoman, yes I am, yes she is, even when I'm a mess, I still put on a vest, with an S on my chest, oh yes, I'm a Superwoman.'</blockquote><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.womenpr.com/site/images/stories/super-woman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" s5="true" src="http://www.womenpr.com/site/images/stories/super-woman.jpg" width="255" /></a></div>Truer words couldn't be spoken about women who wear their scars on their chests, proof that they too are Superwomen. Daily, I look down at the pysical remains of my biopsy. One straw-sized healing incinsion (soon to be scar) and a half dollar sized bruise. Had either of these appeared anywhere else on my body, I probably would have never noticed, and if I had I would have no idea how I did that (I'm not exactly graceful). But these two circles, these two tiny spots stare back at me, daily. A daily reminder of <em>Biopsy One. <br />
<br />
</em>These two little spots, markers, alterations in my physical being change the way I see myself. They change the way I feel about myself. How will I see myself 5 years from now, 10, 20? How many spots, markers alterations will I have then? How will I feel about myself then?<br />
<br />
They make me wonder, how many biopsy holes will I acquire in a lifetime? If I make it through this life cancer free, how many tokens of surveillance will be left behind? How different will my chest look on my last day even if I never have cancer, which is of course the best case scenario. I contemplate buying a snug white shirt, and placing some sort of marker on my biopsy spot and recording my history externally like the pathologists mark my history internally. A Previvor Souvenir if you will.<br />
<br />
You see, that's why Previvors have a term, have a community, why our prevention choices don't matter in the long run (surveillance vs mastectomy). We make not be sick, but we do have the scars to prove it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-86527195227642700262011-01-20T15:32:00.000-08:002011-01-20T15:34:31.514-08:00Benign: My New Favorite WordHeather called me today at 9:15am (she really needs to stop calling at the same time she called with bad news, it scares me). She left a message this time though saying she had good news: woohoo! After a bit of phone tag, she explained that my preliminary results all say the tissue was benign. Because this is just the prelim report, we have to wait for Radiology to confirm they tested the right tissue, and determine whether or not I will require some type of follow-up.<br />
<br />
She will share more with me later, however, I know the tissue was hylanized fibrosis adenosis tissue. It was not DCIS or invasive! More woohooing here! However, I have no idea what I just said really either:).<br />
<br />
Here is what I have figured out:<br />
Hylanized: gassy homogeneous material within a cell<br />
Fibrosis: abnormal tissue as a result of inflammation<br />
Adenosis: abnormal development of glandular tissue<br />
<br />
Now, lets see how well Google passes when I find out what the heck is really going on. Tonight in celebration, I will attempt to sleep on my sides, bruises permitting of course.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-49477739882748351842011-01-17T20:28:00.000-08:002011-01-19T18:49:02.462-08:00Let me tell you a little story called "Brr"Once upon a time I had a friend. Said friend very quickly became a best friend. Sadly, for reasons totally unimportant to this blog, said friend and I haven't spoken in months. Until today, when he wished me luck on my biopsy tomorrow because another friend told him about it. I'm hurt, angry, and betrayed.<br />
<br />
But I realize that I'm hurt, angry and betrayed because clearly, the tattletale has no idea what I'm going through. I mean of course I'm nervous about crawling back into the tube, I'm nervous they won't use enough local to numb my full boob, I'm nervous about a needle being poked into the 12 o'clock position of my right breast and ABSOLUTELY I'm nervous about what the tissue sample they draw will say about me.<br />
<br />
But best case scenario in this situation is that the tissue is fine, and in 3 months I have a clinical, and then in 3 months I have a mammogram, and then a clinical, and then an MRI. Tomorrow isn't just one test for cancer. It's not just one biopsy. It's one of hundreds of tests for cancer that I'll endure. It's one of probably many biopsies.<br />
<br />
Worst case scenario is its cancer. And I face my ghost face to face. But either way I don't rid this. Truthfully, tomorrow is the just another ordinary day in the life of a high risk breast cancer patient.<br />
<br />
It hurts because this isn't one day. This is my life.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-9817053807581013132011-01-14T09:53:00.000-08:002011-01-14T09:53:12.279-08:00Where's the what to expect when you're not expecting handbook?And no, I'm not talking about babies.<br />
<br />
Yesterday was my MRI. <em>Hated it!</em> Although the technicians were gems and deserve Jennifer Anistons salary, in my opinion. They weren't kidding about the IV making your mouth taste like metal - blech! And if anyone wants to shoot over any tips on how the hell to sit up after you're done without ripping the IV out of your arm, I would appreciate it. <br />
<br />
When discussing the results with my roommate, I told her I expected a letter in a couple of weeks like I did with the Mammogram stating all was clear. That's when the unexpected happened. Heather called at 9:15 this morning to discuss the results and offer recommendations. Duh, duh, duh. . . . .<br />
<br />
So clearly, I knew all wasn't honky-dorry. I just spoke with her and there is a 7 mm linear mass area of enhancement at the 12 o'clock position on my right breast. Ain't that a bitch. There's a spot in my right boob that I will obsess over for the next week and it's too damn small for me to even feel. Well, I have an appointment next Tuesday for a wire-guided MRI biopsy. Yup, back in the tube I go. I'm going to go study up on my biopsy and I'll share anything I learn with ya. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-76116602640680145032011-01-13T06:21:00.000-08:002011-01-13T06:21:05.606-08:00MRI Day . . . Glad they're not testing my nerves!In a couple of short hours, I will be lying face down, girls hanging, in a loud banging tube. There will be a tinted IV in my arm, highlighting my blood stream and more pictures of my beasts will be taken. If breast cancer previvors, patients, and survivors were paid per picture, we'd make Jenna Jameson look poor!<br />
<br />
And today I'm really nervous! I can't come up with a code name for this test; that's how I know I'm really nervous- I can't even make fun of it. I call my mammo's the Monster Mash, my clinicals Tuning in to Tokyo, but can't find anything witty for this one. <br />
<br />
Deep down I know I'm fine. I SBE every month, my mammo came back clear, my clinical exam last month was all clear. But at the same time, if on the off chance something wasn't fine, if there was a tiny spot of trouble, this would be the exam that would most likely find it. I keep telling myself, I'll be fine, but if I was really fine, I wouldn't be doing this at 30 right?<br />
<br />
PS - my dear friend with Cervical Cancer has her surgery to remove the cancer, and some of her cervix tomorrow morning. I ask of you to do whatever spiritually moves you to ask for health, healing, and fertility for her. Thanks xoxoxAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-35112254580092495452011-01-04T16:14:00.000-08:002011-01-04T16:14:26.610-08:00Breast Cancer 3 DayI have raised money for The 3 Day twice, the Race for the Cure once and have never been able to walk for one reason or another. Therefore, I am super excited to announce that I will be flying down to Tampa Halloween weekend to walk with my sister. <br />
<br />
While Breast Cancer has always been close to our hearts (get it?! LOL), this year it has been us in the doctors chair. While unlike our grandmothers, we've been lucky thus far, it just seems right to go for it in 2011 and even better to do it with my sister and best friend.<br />
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But we can't register until we find a team name. I know some people think it trivializes the cancer, and I empathize with any survivor who feels that way, but I disagree. There is nothing trivial about raising $2,300, flying states away, sleeping in tents and walking 60 miles, after a year of clinical exams, mammograms, and MRI's to help hopefully keep us from walking in the shoes of our predecessor. <br />
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So help! Boob puns are encouraged! Here is what we have so far:<br />
<br />
Gaga for Tata's<br />
Underwire Previvors<br />
Grammies Mammies<br />
Baby Got Racks<br />
Genetically Twisted<br />
Rack Stars<br />
<br />
I was hoping to come up with a pun on SBE but can't! Darnit!<br />
(I did poach a couple from other cities team names, guilty as charged!)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-18438761053915794222010-12-22T18:58:00.000-08:002010-12-22T18:59:04.363-08:00Turning the Page; Chapter TwoI'm back! And what a whirlwind the ride has been! I woke up ready and armed for my first of many annual mammograms to come, prepared to do what's best preventively for my health. I had no idea what was awaiting on the other side of the Monster Mash (my nickname for the Mammography machine).<br />
<br />
Well, three clinical breast exams, a DNA test, thousands of hours of research, a dozen anonymous web-friends later, and more scientific knowledge than my K-Bachelors degree education provided me and I finally feel like I'm at the next chapter. Let's call it: Surveillance: The next stage in my fight to prevent Breast Cancer.<br />
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I met with Heather the NP today and all's clear. I have some seriously dense (and a bit sore) tissue near on the outer parts of my breasts (let's say the 3 and 9 o clock) but it's nothing to be concerned about. I'll have my first MRI next month as scheduled and hopefully next time I'm back in my NP's office it'll be October and I'll be thinner (Goal: 12 lbs before summer).<br />
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Thanks for riding the ride with me. Hopefully it's smoother on out from here.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-63412252294067152362010-11-08T06:55:00.000-08:002010-11-08T06:55:38.569-08:00GuiltI know this isn't a logical emotion, I know I cannot control the health or happenchance for my friends or my family. But today, I feel guilty. I feel guilty for being healthy. I feel guilty for having the opportunity to use genetic testing to find out my real risk, when so many other genetic cancers do not have access to the same technology.<br />
<br />
In the aftermath of my own very good news (BRCA neg), I have learned that a dear friend of mine has Cervical Cancer. Her family's history with cancer looks like what many BRCA pos women experience, mothers, grandmothers, aunts all plagued by the same disease. So here she is 29, and headed in for a biopsy tomorrow. A biopsy who's results could change her entire life, it will determine if she will ever be able to bear children or not, it will determine how much of her cervix they have to remove in order to get the cancer out. The good news is she shouldn't have to undergo chemo, or radiation. Just the surgery.<br />
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So today, I feel guilty. I feel guilty for having the opportunity to celebrate the known risk of my life, when so few others in similar positions have the same opportunity.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-31213014355215947502010-10-27T15:59:00.000-07:002010-10-27T15:59:39.482-07:00I get to keep my boobs!Today was the big day, aka Genetic Test Results day and there is No Mutation Detected!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_camP77sbbak/TMirz0HUlJI/AAAAAAAAACU/ihTYuynTPtg/s1600/jump.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" nx="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_camP77sbbak/TMirz0HUlJI/AAAAAAAAACU/ihTYuynTPtg/s320/jump.bmp" width="320" /></a></div><div align="left" style="text-align: center;"><em>That's some girlfriends and I jumping because we're silly - <br />
we can say for this blogs purpose we're jumping for joy!</em></div><br />
<em> </em>Anywho, so because my Aunt has yet to test for the mutation, I'm technically an uninformed negative. Because of the family history, until my Aunt tests also for the BRCA mutations we don't know what the cause of the family cancer is. If my Aunt tests negative, there is a likelihood, there is something undiscovered that created the pattern. If she tests positive, there is a mutation and I am just not a carrier.<br />
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So the good news here is that my risk has dropped! I was a 32.92% risk pre-testing (that calculated my risk for having a mutation and my other risk factors). Now I am about a 24-25% risk (it'd be 23-24% if I didn't have big, full boobies). So I no longer have a 1 in 3 chance, now it's only 1 in 5 (yes, if you are normal it's 1 in 8).<br />
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What this means for me is all state of mind really. I still need an MRI in December, and an annual Mammo, and I'm still enrolled in the high risk program. I'm not out of other treatment option woods yet either - but unless things change, I can keep my boobs:). If you have never met me, you won't have any idea the amount of relief this gives me. I really wanted to keep em all along!<br />
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Its funny, I really thought finding no mutation would be anti-climatic. You know, the buildup of stress and tension and anxiety and then nothing really changes. But the sense of relief today is so high! I'll save the anxiety for my MRI in December:).<br />
<div align="left" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-84046857698184741132010-10-23T12:58:00.000-07:002010-10-23T12:58:33.542-07:00When dreams come true, it's not always a fairytaleA couple of weeks ago (just before my last 2 posts) I dreamt that I received a bill in the mail for my BRACAnaylysis before my Genetic Counselor and I met to follow up on my results. In my dream, I received only a bill for the BRACAnalysis and not for the BRACAnalysis Rearrangement Test (BART). Because BART is only performed when the BRACAnalysis is negative, I knew my results were a positive for 1 or 2. <br />
<br />
Well, today I received 2 bills from Myriad and haven't heard from my GC. Fantastic! I assumed. Two bills, two tests. Until I read them and realized the totals aren't what I discussed. So with some further research (damn Type A personality) I learned that in April of this year the price for the Comprehensive BRACAnalysis was raised to $4,040.00. Well, after totalling my bill it comes to $4,040.00 even.<br />
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And of course its Saturday, so if there is a BART bill coming in the mail, I won't see it for at least 48 hours. Karma plays for the other team today.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-48481918359402098962010-10-16T11:16:00.000-07:002010-10-16T11:16:50.008-07:00Do you ever have the feeling you're being followed?I swear, between having blood drawn for the BRACAnalysis and waiting for the results, genetic testing has been following me.<br />
<br />
A girlfriend is having it done to confirm paternity of her child.<br />
<br />
A woman at work was tested for the BRCA after she had a pre-50 BC diagnosis.<br />
<br />
Meredith Gray is being tested for the Alzheimer's Gene.<br />
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And it's October, so pink is everywhere. I can't turn a corner, go into a store, read the news, or even go into a damned bar without seeing pink. I suddenly understand pinkwashing. But I'm not self-important enough to call October bad for my own sake. Awareness is important, and breast cancer does not discriminate. It hates all women equally, some of us are just more vulnerable victims.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5607554151861004237.post-14402393171932139462010-10-15T12:39:00.000-07:002010-10-15T12:39:38.455-07:00A letter for my Genetic CounselorDear Genetic Counselor,<br />
<br />
Thank you for taking the time out to meet with me a few weeks back to discuss my genetic testing options. I feel like we had a great talk, and I left feeling great about going forward with the test, although I had other options.<br />
<br />
<strong><u><span style="color: red;"><em>NOW CALL ME BACK WITH MY RESULTS ALREADY!!!!! THE SUSPENSE IS DRIVING ME BATTY!</em></span></u></strong><br />
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Thanks again, I look forward to speaking with you soon.<br />
<br />
Kimberly :)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03218631418935744734noreply@blogger.com2