Avoidance

So, I haven't blogged in a while.  Which is a good thing, because I wasn't allowing my risk to take over my thoughts and my life.

Then I discovered my ex, THE ex's, wife (whom I adore) was diagnosed with BC AND is High Risk only to further learn she is BRCA+.  Talk about close to home.  Then I became curious:

•  is she on as strict of a surveillance regimen as I am?
• did her doctors inform her of her options?
• did they know the severity of the gene?  

Then I became pissed thinking she might not have received the same severity of surveillance that I receive and that all women, every woman, especially THIS woman should receive that same level of attention.


Then I received my pretty pink postcard letting me know they're scheduling January.  And I still haven't called.  Why?  Because I'm scared.  Because this shit never ends.  Because every once in a while it feels better to put my head in a hole and act like I know nothing.  But her response echoes my reasoning for testing even if my risk is lower:

Knowledge is power and as scary as it is being in the driver seat beats being taken down the road by cancer.