It's been 66 hours since I had my annual Mammogram/MRI. This is what the inside of my brain sounds like:
Why haven't they called me? Is something wrong? Why does the hospital run so many commercials during the Olympics? Is it to keep reminding me that they haven't called? Is not calling yet good news or bad news? Google "Mammogram Photos." Should I call them? Again, with the damn commercials. Maybe I should read the Message Boards on FORCE. No, that'll just remind they haven't called. Maybe no call is good news, if it was bad news they would want to talk to me right away, right? Why haven't you called me yet? Google "Breast MRI Photos." Nope, no missed calls. Okay, think about something other than boobs. God, my bra is really annoying me right now. Ah! Bras and boobs! Okay, phone's ringing. Not them. Why haven't they called me? Read the news, yeah the news. Damnit! Another Beaumont ad! Stop advertising and just call me!
Showing posts with label self breast exam. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self breast exam. Show all posts
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Sunday, August 5, 2012
A (stolen) diddy about Mammograms
For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don’t ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
“OK,” I said, “let’s do it.”
“Stand up here real close” she said,
(She got my boob in line),
“And tell me when it hurts,” she said,
“Ah yes! Right there, that’s fine.”
She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vise!
My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it’s viselike grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!
“Take a deep breath,” she said to me,
Who does she think she’s kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.
“There, that’s good,” I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
“Now, let’s have a go at the other one.”
Have mercy, I was praying.
It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I’ll bet SHE’S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone “ker-pow!”
This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I’d like to stick his balls in there,
And, see how THEY come out!
Be careful of your breasts.
Don’t ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
“OK,” I said, “let’s do it.”
“Stand up here real close” she said,
(She got my boob in line),
“And tell me when it hurts,” she said,
“Ah yes! Right there, that’s fine.”
She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vise!
My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it’s viselike grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!
“Take a deep breath,” she said to me,
Who does she think she’s kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.
“There, that’s good,” I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
“Now, let’s have a go at the other one.”
Have mercy, I was praying.
It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I’ll bet SHE’S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone “ker-pow!”
This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I’d like to stick his balls in there,
And, see how THEY come out!
Friday, July 13, 2012
Family Onset Age - Insert horror movie soundtrack here!
Well, I'm in the weeks leading up to my annual exam. This year we're doing the mammogram and MRI at the same time. Why? I'm not sure, but it's what my NP and Dr ordered.
Every year I'm stressed out, high anxiety, on full alert in the weeks, days, and hours leading up to my appointment. This year you can multiply that by a kajillion because this year, I've reached my family onset age.
I'm hoping my ability to only compartmentalize my feelings kicks into overdrive and calms my crazy ass down! I've been able to only think about the big BC once a month when I do my SBE, let's see if I can make that compartment even larger for this looming day.
T Minus 23 days till I spend a thousand bucks to not have cancer!!
Every year I'm stressed out, high anxiety, on full alert in the weeks, days, and hours leading up to my appointment. This year you can multiply that by a kajillion because this year, I've reached my family onset age.
I'm hoping my ability to only compartmentalize my feelings kicks into overdrive and calms my crazy ass down! I've been able to only think about the big BC once a month when I do my SBE, let's see if I can make that compartment even larger for this looming day.
T Minus 23 days till I spend a thousand bucks to not have cancer!!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Update: Surveillance-versary!
So, I'm a big fat loser. My surveillance-versary was June 10th! I guess in the midst of not obsessing over my high-risk, I stopped thinking a little too much about it!
Here's the other part I realized: I haven't met a single goal I laid out for myself since my initial meeting with Heather. Not a one. I haven't lost weight. I haven't stopped eating red meat. I didn't start taking vitamins. I didn't change my diet. I didn't drink less . . . well, let's not get ahead of ourselves here, I never did promise that one!
So at the risk of being accused of having a defeatist attitude (again) here is what I have accomplished:
1. I had one Mammogram
2. I had one MRI.
3. I had one Biopsy.
4. I performed at least one self breast exam each month (probably 2 realistically)
6. I tested for the BRCA gene
*these are important because early detection saves lives
7. I told my story.
8. I started going to local FORCE meetings.
9. I met other young, high risk women by telling my story.
10. I finally walked in a breast cancer walk that I raised money for
11. I tried to reach out to my extended family about our risk
12. I had researched enough and learned enough to help my sister begin her journey.
*these are important because many women who are high risk do not know it, or do not know how to proceed
13. I quit smoking (I hope, it's only been a month so I'm afraid to brag).
14. I limited my weekly red meat intake, for the most part:). Hey, I'm a sucker for a cheeseburger!
15. I joined a gym and partake on occasion.
and most importantly . . .
16. I DON'T HAVE BREAST CANCER!
Here's to an even more successful year 2!
Here's the other part I realized: I haven't met a single goal I laid out for myself since my initial meeting with Heather. Not a one. I haven't lost weight. I haven't stopped eating red meat. I didn't start taking vitamins. I didn't change my diet. I didn't drink less . . . well, let's not get ahead of ourselves here, I never did promise that one!
So at the risk of being accused of having a defeatist attitude (again) here is what I have accomplished:
1. I had one Mammogram
2. I had one MRI.
3. I had one Biopsy.
4. I performed at least one self breast exam each month (probably 2 realistically)
6. I tested for the BRCA gene
*these are important because early detection saves lives
7. I told my story.
8. I started going to local FORCE meetings.
9. I met other young, high risk women by telling my story.
10. I finally walked in a breast cancer walk that I raised money for
11. I tried to reach out to my extended family about our risk
12. I had researched enough and learned enough to help my sister begin her journey.
*these are important because many women who are high risk do not know it, or do not know how to proceed
13. I quit smoking (I hope, it's only been a month so I'm afraid to brag).
14. I limited my weekly red meat intake, for the most part:). Hey, I'm a sucker for a cheeseburger!
15. I joined a gym and partake on occasion.
and most importantly . . .
16. I DON'T HAVE BREAST CANCER!
Here's to an even more successful year 2!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
It's my Surveillance-versary!
So, I just realized, it's nearly July. July to many people is Independence Day, summer vacation, barbeque's, camping, 90 degree weather, boating, ridiculous air conditioning bills. To me July is my annual mammogram.
My annual mammogram also marks the completion of the first year in my life as a high risk woman. So I survived year one. With me I take at least 12 self breast exams, an uninformed negative test result, one tiny scar on my right boob, a lead marker near said scar, nearly $1,5000 in related bills and enough tears shed to flood the entire Metropolitan area.
And, because my first MRI (aka, January) came back with an area of suspicion that needed to be biopsied, I need to run the MRI again. Hopefully on the same day.
The average person may not think this deal sounds so bad; 2 tests a year, 6 months apart and a doctors office visit in between. What the average person doesn't realize is I finally feel like I got my head back on straight again. I don't think about my status weekly, daily, hourly, any longer. I wasn't researching everything boob related. I stopped dreaming up my eventual PBM or RX. I stopped practicing the speech I would have to give my friends, family and co-workers.
But now. Now that July is staring me straight on, I feel the beginning pangs of dread, of terror coming back. They get caught in my throat late at night. They subconsciously make my hands linger longer over my breasts suspicious of every change. They haunt me. They whisper to me. They follow me. It's a disease you can't see, that dread. And it's back, just like it promised. Six months later.
My annual mammogram also marks the completion of the first year in my life as a high risk woman. So I survived year one. With me I take at least 12 self breast exams, an uninformed negative test result, one tiny scar on my right boob, a lead marker near said scar, nearly $1,5000 in related bills and enough tears shed to flood the entire Metropolitan area.
And, because my first MRI (aka, January) came back with an area of suspicion that needed to be biopsied, I need to run the MRI again. Hopefully on the same day.
The average person may not think this deal sounds so bad; 2 tests a year, 6 months apart and a doctors office visit in between. What the average person doesn't realize is I finally feel like I got my head back on straight again. I don't think about my status weekly, daily, hourly, any longer. I wasn't researching everything boob related. I stopped dreaming up my eventual PBM or RX. I stopped practicing the speech I would have to give my friends, family and co-workers.
But now. Now that July is staring me straight on, I feel the beginning pangs of dread, of terror coming back. They get caught in my throat late at night. They subconsciously make my hands linger longer over my breasts suspicious of every change. They haunt me. They whisper to me. They follow me. It's a disease you can't see, that dread. And it's back, just like it promised. Six months later.
Monday, February 14, 2011
How to celebrate Valentines Day when you're Single and High Risk for Breast Cancer
Step 1. Live with your best friend
Step 2. Have your roomie make your favorite quiche for dinner
Step 3. Pick up a bottle of wine very aptly named A Few Good Men to enjoy
Step 4. Enjoy
Step 5. Once you're finished with A Few Good Men and ready for bed, Self Breast Exam! LOL
I just realized tonight is my monthly night to SBE. Looks like the girls will be getting some love after all :).
Step 2. Have your roomie make your favorite quiche for dinner
Step 3. Pick up a bottle of wine very aptly named A Few Good Men to enjoy
Step 4. Enjoy
Step 5. Once you're finished with A Few Good Men and ready for bed, Self Breast Exam! LOL
I just realized tonight is my monthly night to SBE. Looks like the girls will be getting some love after all :).
Thursday, January 13, 2011
MRI Day . . . Glad they're not testing my nerves!
In a couple of short hours, I will be lying face down, girls hanging, in a loud banging tube. There will be a tinted IV in my arm, highlighting my blood stream and more pictures of my beasts will be taken. If breast cancer previvors, patients, and survivors were paid per picture, we'd make Jenna Jameson look poor!
And today I'm really nervous! I can't come up with a code name for this test; that's how I know I'm really nervous- I can't even make fun of it. I call my mammo's the Monster Mash, my clinicals Tuning in to Tokyo, but can't find anything witty for this one.
Deep down I know I'm fine. I SBE every month, my mammo came back clear, my clinical exam last month was all clear. But at the same time, if on the off chance something wasn't fine, if there was a tiny spot of trouble, this would be the exam that would most likely find it. I keep telling myself, I'll be fine, but if I was really fine, I wouldn't be doing this at 30 right?
PS - my dear friend with Cervical Cancer has her surgery to remove the cancer, and some of her cervix tomorrow morning. I ask of you to do whatever spiritually moves you to ask for health, healing, and fertility for her. Thanks xoxox
And today I'm really nervous! I can't come up with a code name for this test; that's how I know I'm really nervous- I can't even make fun of it. I call my mammo's the Monster Mash, my clinicals Tuning in to Tokyo, but can't find anything witty for this one.
Deep down I know I'm fine. I SBE every month, my mammo came back clear, my clinical exam last month was all clear. But at the same time, if on the off chance something wasn't fine, if there was a tiny spot of trouble, this would be the exam that would most likely find it. I keep telling myself, I'll be fine, but if I was really fine, I wouldn't be doing this at 30 right?
PS - my dear friend with Cervical Cancer has her surgery to remove the cancer, and some of her cervix tomorrow morning. I ask of you to do whatever spiritually moves you to ask for health, healing, and fertility for her. Thanks xoxox
Monday, October 4, 2010
Lumps and Bumps: Is it all in my head?
My facbook status today reads: October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month: Save mans real best friend and perform a monthly self breast exam!
And that's because last night I did. I have been pretty vigilant at SBE's for a long time now. I noticed a change, or a lump if you will, two years ago, reported it to my doctor, had an ultrasound, the technician treated me like I was too young to be concerned, and all in all the results came back negative. This experience compared to my first mammogram has shown me how important your medical provider is. You must be your own advocate - or change doctors until you find one that fits with your priorities and needs. The ultrasound tech two years ago commented on my "breast density" and when I inquired further with her, she told me it really wasn't a big deal. This was a year following the release of a study in the New England Journal of Medicine that confirms high tissue density does lead to higher rates of breast cancer! Needless to say, I won't be returning to that hospital for my breast care - ever.
So last night again, I noticed a change in my tissue. I can't tell if it's a lump, or a bump or what. I can feel a definite indent that is not present elsewhere on either breast. I will be emailing my Nurse Practitioner to see how she feels I should follow up. I am still awaiting my BRCA test results, and will schedule a MRI after those are received. But I can't help but wonder, did I notice this change last month and not take it as seriously? Am I creating this in my mind because this is all I currently think about? At what point am I no longer re-acting to the changes in my life and being truly proactive? Am I seeing things that aren't there because I'm more sensitive? I don't know. We'll see what Heather says.
And that's because last night I did. I have been pretty vigilant at SBE's for a long time now. I noticed a change, or a lump if you will, two years ago, reported it to my doctor, had an ultrasound, the technician treated me like I was too young to be concerned, and all in all the results came back negative. This experience compared to my first mammogram has shown me how important your medical provider is. You must be your own advocate - or change doctors until you find one that fits with your priorities and needs. The ultrasound tech two years ago commented on my "breast density" and when I inquired further with her, she told me it really wasn't a big deal. This was a year following the release of a study in the New England Journal of Medicine that confirms high tissue density does lead to higher rates of breast cancer! Needless to say, I won't be returning to that hospital for my breast care - ever.
So last night again, I noticed a change in my tissue. I can't tell if it's a lump, or a bump or what. I can feel a definite indent that is not present elsewhere on either breast. I will be emailing my Nurse Practitioner to see how she feels I should follow up. I am still awaiting my BRCA test results, and will schedule a MRI after those are received. But I can't help but wonder, did I notice this change last month and not take it as seriously? Am I creating this in my mind because this is all I currently think about? At what point am I no longer re-acting to the changes in my life and being truly proactive? Am I seeing things that aren't there because I'm more sensitive? I don't know. We'll see what Heather says.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Check yourself before you wreck yourself
Today I SBE'd, shorthand for Self Breast Exam. This is my first SBE post my NP appointment so I wanted to do a little bit of research on what to look for. Basically, you're looking for:
Plus, now I'm curious and loaded with questions for when I see my NP next (10 months!). I want to know what a lump feels like, how it will differ from the already present "dense-ness" of my breasts, how do you tell the difference?
Here's your how to guide:
- Any new lump (which may or may not be painful or tender)
- Unusual thickening of your breasts
- Sticky or bloody discharge from your nipples
- Any changes in the skin of your nipples or breasts, such as puckering or dimpling
- An unusual increase in the size of one breast
- One breast unusually lower than the other
Plus, now I'm curious and loaded with questions for when I see my NP next (10 months!). I want to know what a lump feels like, how it will differ from the already present "dense-ness" of my breasts, how do you tell the difference?
Here's your how to guide:
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