Once upon a time I had a friend. Said friend very quickly became a best friend. Sadly, for reasons totally unimportant to this blog, said friend and I haven't spoken in months. Until today, when he wished me luck on my biopsy tomorrow because another friend told him about it. I'm hurt, angry, and betrayed.
But I realize that I'm hurt, angry and betrayed because clearly, the tattletale has no idea what I'm going through. I mean of course I'm nervous about crawling back into the tube, I'm nervous they won't use enough local to numb my full boob, I'm nervous about a needle being poked into the 12 o'clock position of my right breast and ABSOLUTELY I'm nervous about what the tissue sample they draw will say about me.
But best case scenario in this situation is that the tissue is fine, and in 3 months I have a clinical, and then in 3 months I have a mammogram, and then a clinical, and then an MRI. Tomorrow isn't just one test for cancer. It's not just one biopsy. It's one of hundreds of tests for cancer that I'll endure. It's one of probably many biopsies.
Worst case scenario is its cancer. And I face my ghost face to face. But either way I don't rid this. Truthfully, tomorrow is the just another ordinary day in the life of a high risk breast cancer patient.
It hurts because this isn't one day. This is my life.